Just do it, again?

When I was starting my life, married young (22), my wife and I were given an opportunity to expand our horizons. To get a bigger picture of our world. Opportunity came knocking and we jumped.

With my wife, who was and still is a strong independent person, we packed up our short life together and literally moved across the country. We put the contents of our meager 2 bedroom apartment in the biggest truck we could rent. After getting gifts of furniture from our parents and grand parents that filled the truck from floor to ceiling we put my daughter and our budgie bird into the truck and off we went.

We had no ideas of what the future might hold for us but we just did it, together. Upon reflecting on that time years ago with what is quickly becoming that helpful sentiment that everyone seems to be posting about these days living through covid. That positivity, those life enforcing ideas.

I feel grateful that we did this and try not to dwell on all of the things we missed out on with regards to family but I don’t think I would ever want to do it any differently if I was to do it all over.

So, knowing what it takes to do something like this, I sit here reflecting on it all and am in awe of my son. Just prior to COVID my son decided to embark on a similar journey across this huge country of Canada to revisit his place of birth and start a new life.  To me this is amazingly powerful and brave of him to do as he did it alone. When I did it, my wife and I had each other. Together we could do anything. My son is truly the mixture of the both of us, her strong will to do something, to change and my ability to overcome adversity and persevere. He is doing it all!

I always thought that it was a parents job to be the one who inspires their children but I’m finding a lot of reasons to be inspired by my son’s actions. Ever since his open heart surgery at one year old I have felt inspired by him. He endured the surgery and was out of the hospital in a week sitting on my Dad’s lap. He was the one that pushed me to do a half marathon before I hit 50. We did it. It was an accomplishment for the both of us. Here he is now following in my foot steps.

Oh he’s had his struggles since he’s been out there aside from the whole COVID thing. He loaded up his car with everything important to him and using Google maps slowly made his way across the country. As a parent I wanted to do it with him and be there for him but I knew he had to do this himself. He did, dammit. He gave me regular text updates as he progressed across the country, taking routes I’ve never explored before, expressing very little of his experiences, just being more concerned about getting there and being ready for work as soon as he gets there. He arranged for a place to stay with an old friend that was living out there.

When we did all this, we had a huge support system, family lived out there that we didn’t even know yet. He knows a few friends and some people he was close with at the age of 4 who are now all grown up but of course is not close with. He’s had to do all of the regular things you need to do to make a life for yourself, things he hasn’t done for himself before. He’s now finalizing the start of a new career, of his own making. I have a sense of great pride for what he has become. He’s done some crazy shit in his life and has had struggles as a result but he’s figuring it out. He’s persevering.  I think that’s what I see that most impresses me about his actions. He seems to have a goal that he wants to accomplish and he is just making it happen. It was something we never had. We just took the opportunities as they were presented and did something positive with them. He has an idea of what he wants and a lifestyle he wants to endure.

As proud as I am of what my son is becoming I can’t help but also be concerned with him following in my foot steps. As I mentioned in a previous musical post one of my most heart felt songs that I have is ‘cats in the cradle’. The lyrics express how I feel my relationship transpired with my father so I thought I would be different with my son. Now it looks like he will have “grown up to be just like me”.

I miss my son.