The nice guys

Can nice guys actually make it out there in the real world? Is being the nice guy what people want or want to be apart of? Can someone be too nice? Does following the rules, or the law, count in some perverse sort of existential sort of way? Who cares? People can be nice guys and they can follow the rules but is that what women want? Who knows what women want? Do women? Is that what anyone wants, a nice guy? Does being a nice guy cause the nice guy to lose something, some part of him/herself? I was sitting there flipping through the channels on TV just before going to bed when these questions popped into my head. I figured it was sometihng that I would like to blog about, not necessarily because I have some earth-shattering realization on the subject, but simply because I thought it might be an interesting topic to put to canvas (as it were) and see where it goes.

I guess why I thought it might be something I’d like to write about is because I actually did have an experience that relates. Before I met my wife, I had asked my now brother in law to set me up with his girlfriends’ sister (my now wife). He told me she was unavailable but that there was a cousin coming to visit whom he could set me up with. I said ok. This was a girl who had never been to the big city, the likes of Toronto before, so she welcomed the company (I beleive) and we dated for a few months. Back then, we were young and foolish and we did some drugs. Nothing crazy, just some pot or hash but because I never smoked and was way to paranoid of getting addicted to anything in anyway, I swore to myself that I would never actually go out and buy any. So during our courtship, she discovered the seedy side of the drug world in Toronto and I think to some extent got addicted to something, I don’t know what, through some other acquaintance I imagine. So after awhile she started asking me to buy her some pot and hash. At first I simply held to my principals and refused to buy it for her, but after awhile I relented and actually started to pursue getting some. I know its not a big deal but when I told her I had a contact and was going to meet up with him to get some, she dropped the breakup bombshell on me. Her main reason for wanting to break up with me was that I was too nice and that I wasn’t right for her. Am I upset about that breakup? Of course not, else I might never have met up with my wife. I guess just asking those questions brought back that memory.

So, if a guy is nice, what about him makes him nice? Is it that he is always accomodating to the other person, or is it that he always has nice things to say, or is that he doesn’t fart all of the time? The idea of what being nice is all about seems to be relative to the person considering the others’ “nice-ness”, I guess. So how does one know if they’re being nice, too nice, or not nice at all if its definition seems to be relative to the person considering it? Maybe a person shouldn’t strive to be “nice” at all. Maybe they should just be who they are and their nice-ness can be left to fate. Why is it important to be nice anyways? It appears that the most rude and obnoxious people in the workplace are the ones that seem to get ahead, not the nice guys. The nice guys get left behind because they are too busy sitting there being accomodating to everyone else. This is where my bitterness starts to show. I see those obnoxious people at work and I despise them for being like they are. Do I ever wish I were them? HELL NO! But I will take my best shots against them when the opportunities present themselves. Oh I know I could be waiting for quite awhile, but I am a patient person. I am starting to beleive in karma, or rather the idea of it. The concept of “what goes around, comes around” seems to be appealing to me. I will never be the guy who lets those obnoxious people know that they actually are obnoxious, but I will definitely be there to shove some of their own medicine down their throat. Am I being vindictive? Perhaps, but why should I be any different in showing those obnoxious people what they must only know too well themselves? If they give shit, then they must be ready willing and able to handle the same kind of shit thrown back at them. Fair is fair isn’t it?


Little Johnny’s dad was a retired gambler. Having picked up a few of his old man’s bad habits, Johnny wagered on anything and everything, and he was good at it. Eventually, it became such a problem, that Johnny’s teacher called his father to discuss it. After a long conversation, they decided to teach him a lesson.

One day after class Johnny approached his teacher. “You’re not really blonde,” he said. “I’ve seen your bush and it’s pitch black, you dye your hair.”

“I most certainly do not,” she replied.

“I bet you ten bucks you do,” he said.

She saw that this was an opportunity to teach him a lesson, so she waited for all the other children to leave the class and took off her pants, showing him that her pubic hair was the same color as the hair on her head. Johnny paid her the ten dollars and walked sullenly out of the room.

A few hours later Johnny’s teacher called his father. “I think I finally taught him a lesson,” she said.

“The hell you have,” his father said angrily. “This morning he bet me $50 he’d see your vagina before the end of the day.”


7 Responses to “The nice guys”

  1. Phil McCracken Says:

    Your timing is pretty good on this one.
    In the past days and weeks, I’ve had this conversation with a few different people.

    I truly believe that the nice guys get trampled because we always do the safe thing. The thing that is morally right or socially acceptable. Then what happens is that you have the bad people, who stand out from the pack and can often draw people to them because they are dangerous and original and reckless.

    Then what happens is that people get tired of that, especially when they get hurt by the bad boys and end up pining for a safe, boring nice guy.

    Too bad for all of us nice guys who have a conscience, no?

  2. dooohhead Says:

    Yes! I agree Phil!

  3. Matt Says:

    Sometimes the bastards don’t realize how bad they are, and really appreciate it when someone is nice enough to let them know they are causing problems instead of stewing about it for months on end. I’ve done that in the past and it worked out for the issues at the time, it just became troublesome when more and more new issues kept emerging..

  4. Phil McCracken Says:

    I can relate to that one. Sometimes people don’t realize when they are causing issues for people.

    Sitting and stewing about it is not ever going to solve anything. You have be upfront and tell whoever it is that their behavior is affecting you. If they care, they’ll try to change it. If not…well, they just keep being themselves.

  5. Izaak Says:

    Hope I’m not the obnoxious one.

    I believe being nice for the sake of being percieved as being nice is only not being true to yourself. Your playing your own mind fuck game.

    I aggree stewing isn’t going to slove your problem. it’s just going to make you more and more bitter, untill one day you go into work with a shotgun.

    However telling the person their behaviour is not always the answer. Sometimes people can’t take the truth, and they’ll be vindictive assholes about it. If your close enough to this/these people and you feel they can take constructive critisim then hell tell em, but it’s not necessarly you’re responsability to help every dumbass stop being a dumbass, unless your their manager.

    “Too bad for all of us nice guys who have a conscience, no?”

    is a load, your bringing it on yourself buddy take some responsability.

  6. Izaak Says:

    excuse my grammer and spelling 😛

  7. airolson Says:

    I agree with Izaak. You have a *professional responsibility* to tell someone (you have two people to choose from). To not say something about it is not only unprofessional, it’s cowardly.

    We’ve talked a lot about this and you know I’m not trying to slam you personally. I’ve recently come very close to the same level of frustration, and this is my conclusion about it.

    Since I’ll be working with him soon, I’ll try to say something then. If that doesn’t work, I speak to the other option.

    We can’t allow this to continue.

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