Bitterness and resentment

Apparently I am deep in the throws of bitterness and resentment. Not with any family member but with a colleage at work. I realised today that I can barely stand being around the person. Just about every word out of his mouth is like finger-nails being scraped down a chalk board, to me. Its starting to piss me off too. With the help of one of my coworkers, I tried to figure out why I am feeling like that, and why its so bad. Words like “smugness” and “arrogance” came up describing thisperson, so I’ve been trying to determine what this person did, or actively does that irritates me so. I’ve also been trying to figure out a way to resolve this with myself as I know this person will never change. In our marriage course that we’ve been taking, the last days teachings described that one of the hardest things to do in attempting to resolve any long standing conflicts is to forgive the other person. Coming from the church it all sounds kinda high-and-mighty, but I’m starting to see how actually forgiving “someone” might actually work. It almost sounds too easy of a thing to do but I am seeing why they say it is one of the most difficult things to actually do. Its more than just saying the words “I forgive you”, its beleiving it. Once you do though, I can see that whatever the issue was/is, its completely gone. There’s the rub. The person with whom I am in conflict with, doesn’t deserve it, but if I don’t let it go then it will just continue to destroy me. Plus its not one of those issues that can be talked out with the person. Its behavior, its a work colleage, this person is not my wife. I shouldn’t have to do that. People should just be able to work and leave all of their ignorances and petty arrogances’ and smug behavior at the door. I’d like to think I actually do, but I’m sure my coworkers may have something different to say about that.

This all leads my thinking off into another completely different, but related direction. Its starting to feel like the work environment is more of a social gathering of people rather than a work place. How lucky is that you say, well thats all fine and dandy if all of the people with whom you work with you actually can stand being around. Every conversation, it seems, is somehow always interrupted or wasted with some kind of personal-story or some other non-work-related blathering of verbal expulsion that the work aspects seems to get lost in. I couldn’t give a damn if you got a new dog and the paint hasn’t quite dried yet when all I really need to know is whether the code has been released yet. As a result of feeling like this, I have been attending our actual scheduled social time less and less. I think mostly because of this one person, or another. No wait, thats not fair. I have missed a few of these gatherings, but for some other, non-related reasons. I have never purposely missed one because I didn’t want to spend any time around someone. I would never let that person prevent me from having some fun. Although I guess it is all affecting me because of all of this bitterness and resentment that has become more and more apparent. A few others have noticed and have said things to me about it. I guess its time for action


Two co-workers are leaving the office. “I can’t wait to get home,” says one of them.
“As soon as I walk in the door, I’m going to rip my wife’s panties right off.”
“I know the feeling,” the other says. “I’ve been working so much lately sometimes it feels like I’m not even married any longer.”
“No, I’m serious,” says the first. “They’re killing me.”


2 Responses to “Bitterness and resentment”

  1. Heidi Says:

    Hmmm… Doooh… You’ll have to keep us posted on what happens with this situation. Good luck with it!!!!!

  2. Izaak Says:

    I was going to comment that I don’t aggree with you about people leaving their feelings etc at the door. Then you wrote that second paragraph. Mostly I bring all that shit with me to work because i can’t remove that part of my brain, and really I don’t want to. These people we spend most of our lives with I’d prefer to feel close to. I do aggree though the people who I’m going to spend a good chunk of my life with I’d prefer to like them.

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