Vacation, Day 4

“…Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose…”

Have you ever actually roasted chestnuts?  My wife says we did a few years ago, but I don’t remember.  She just says thats because I’m getting old and I forget everything.  Baaaah!  In any case, I bought some chestnuts at the grocery store the other day to erfresh my memory of them.  I figured in this day and age that they come already roasted.  Wrong!  I cracked one open and took a bite.  They had a very raw nutty taste to them.  I gave my wife a taste and she freaked out because they weren’t roasted.  I thought they tasted alright as they were.  As my wife went scrambling for a glass of water to rinse out her mouth, I took another bite and wondered what the problem was.  I guess they need to be roasted.  My wife spent most of yesterday baking, making banana bread and chocolate covered peanut butter balls.  As I was helping the dogs in their cleanup (by licking the spoons) I asked if she was ready to roast some nuts.  She wasn’t, but I persisted until she got sick of me asking about it until finaly she couldn’t take it anymore and agreed to do it.  I had during that time of perstering her, come down in the basement and Googled “roasting chestnuts instructions” for some ideas of how long to roast them and at what temperature, etc.  I came back up with all of the ideas ready to go.  In all cases the instructions strongly suggested that each chestnut must be cut or pierced in some way before you begin.  Noo says my wife, we’ll just put aluminum foil over the pan to prevent them from exploding everywhere.  I said, no dear, they all suggest that you cut them.  No says she, don’t worry about it, it’ll be fine, so into the oven they go on a flat cookie sheet, covered with foil.  After about 20 minutes, it happened.  One of them exploded.  We went running for the oven and noticed that the foil was ripped away from the pan and there were chestnut fragments everywhere within the oven.  I started to laugh.  She pulled the pan out and put it on the top of the stove, and just as she did, another one exploded everywhere, coating the tea kettle and a few other pots we had sitting there from just cleaning them.  What a mess!  When they explode, they really explode!  No huge chunks of nut, just small pieces of gunk everywhere!  Needless to say, she decided to pierce the rest of them and put them back in for a little while longer.

When we finally took them out, and I had a few, I still didn’t remember, as my wife perviously suggested, that I had had them before.  I enjoyed them though, they had a very raw nutty taste to them.  It was good!


The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.

During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

“Well, sir,” is the nervous reply, “as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have … m-m-m…. urges. That’s why we have the camel, sir.”

The Captain says, “I can’t say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay.”

About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, “Is that how the men do it?” “Uh, no sir,” the First Sergeant replies. “They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are.”


2 Responses to “Vacation, Day 4”

  1. Libertine Says:

    “…Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose…?

    That would be better as Jack DANIELS nipping at your nose…

  2. elisla Says:

    I LOve chestnuts. But I just cut some spilts in them and then put them on the grate in front of the fire and they roast nicely.

    I always have them every Winter.

    Exploding chestbuts cannot of been bice ughhh! 🙂

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